in anger

Why is it that when I decide that today is the best day of the year anything that can possibly go wrong simply does go wrong? Just when I am feeling good enough about certain things in my so-called existence, people around me or events that happen around me make me realize ultimately that things cannot always go as planned.

Is it not amazing how a single word from somebody or a mere gesture of someone can ruin your day? They say experience is not what happens to a man but what man does to what happens to him. How can anyone be always cool about things? When I am seething in anger or boiling mad I couldn’t think of the things that can make the ill feeling go away. I simply wallow in that anger and curse or rant or just write it off.

I guess I haven’t mastered the art of controlling anger. Well, who does? Perhaps the Dalai Lama of Tibet or the monks that live ascetic life have done it. What about this mortal, whining, incomprehensible being I've turned into? All I can hope for is that the time will come when I can just shrug over the most trivial yet annoying thing and smile at the immaturity of losing my temper over it. Well, things have a way of teaching people. Or more aptly put, experience has a way of teaching people. Only we decide to act on what it has taught us or forget about the experience as soon as it's over.

I did plan to assasinate somebody in a piece I've been meaning to write. In fact, I mentioned that I'd make a killing last night. That's just the beauty of writing. I can immortalize (oh, can I really?) or butcher somebody any way I like it. It gives me a certain freedom that emboldens even the shyest (huh?) side of me. So much for that killing. The annoyance is gone and the person is definitely not worth my time and effort. Perhaps in another story at another time. For now, I shall find a more interesting subject. If only I can paint... Now that's another story!